To make sense to another of the losses in my life, I first need to qualify that I have endured them. And ”endured” not in the sense that I have suffered something painful or difficulty patiently because patiently seems defined by one who never experienced a no-sound scream of utter agony repeated over and over to where a bystander would say "it seemed impossible that anyone could endure such pain". This was my mother’s path. She was my mentor, she was my heart and she was my guide in my walk with God path.
For me I endured loss after loss after loss of my family. Some instantaneous as far car accidents, aneurysms, drug affects, mental health related threats and some like issued a prison sentence of health issues. Did you ever watch the death row prison movie the Green Mile? In the last scene the camera pans to one cell and the prisoner literally evaporated (special effects style). Then on to another and that prisoner also evaporates. And the same scenario plays out over and over until the cell block is emptied of its inmates. All gone.
At first I endured as my mother did. The soundless screams. Through the osin she dug her faith heels in and gave of herself more and more that would rival any titled apostle or evangelical faith healer. Yet she was as her mother, extraordinarily ordinary to most. Until they looked again.
I think because it started early in my life and once the losses began and never let up that I learned to endure as “to remain in existence” as in “these cities have endured through time". I too dug my faith heels in and praised God for all things throughout the tears I thought would never cease. I see memes of relating to “always say I love you” and “carpe diem” and I think ”amateurs“. I see “its sibling day! Celebrate together!“ and I am stung for what was taken from me yet inevitably grateful that someone can celebrate what I once had. I see families fighting snd squabbling over money and who said what or who did what and i think ”seriously?!“ yet inevitably I remember the joy of bickering with my big sister and how normal it is. I am glad I lived it. I would pick them all again to join up with, even knowing. God had a good idea about it after all.
I used to think that my mother buried herself and her pain deep down into her soul. Maybe she did. I don’t know. I know I miss her. For me, I see that my own self is not buried deep into my soul but that because I embrace the Holy Spirit as my counselor and Jesus Christ as my savior, that my soul has risen and embraced me and I am truly blessed beyond all measure.
I wear the mantle my mother wore. A Five Fold ministry.
APOSTLE (Dream Awakener):
You are uniquely gifted at awakening people to discover who they are. You are uniquely gifted at helping them reach their potential. This is a great joy to me!
PROPHET (Heart Revealer):
You are uniquely gifted to reveal God’s heart for his people. You are particularly gifted at hearing the Holy Spirit and helping others do the same.
EVANGELIST (Story Teller)
You are uniquely gifted to celebrate the transformations of God. You are gifted at inviting and including people into relationship.
PASTOR (Soul Healer)
You are uniquely gifted at restoring and healing the broken souls. You are uniquely gifted at integrating people into the family of God.
TEACHER (Light Giver) You are uniquely gifted at making truth and understanding accessible to all. You are gifted at helping people apply truth and the scriptures to their life.
But you know what? I just love Jesus. He does restore souls. He does carry our burdens. If I can continue to continue and in spite of my losses but because I KNOW they live again in heaven, i want to help you know it too. I want your soul to merge with you. I want to help you find out just why you jumped into the life you did. I want you to find the truest love of all, Jesus Christ, King of kings, my best friend.
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